He Cheated, What Next?By Rachel Kithae - 3 min read
What happens when the only person that you had put all your trust, love, and faith in throws it all away.
Relationships are good. Or let me say this; loving and being loved is good and makes one feel special and appreciated. But what happens when the only person that you had put all your trust, love, and faith in throws it all away; just like that?
Pain, anger, frustrations, and denial are some of the negative emotions that you experience afterward. However, life has to move on. So how do you can pick up the pieces and move on?
Work On Your Inner Self
Let’s face it; cheating leaves you emotionally drained. You feel less valuable and vulnerable. There is a cliché that when your partner cheats, you’re the problem. While this slogan might be valid for some couples, it’s not always the case. Some partners are just wild cards waiting for the storm to scatter them around.
Find your inner strength and work on your self-esteem. This should be the first thing you do before you even attempt to talk to your spouse. Will a haircut and a manicure do you good? Then go for it! Whatever makes you look in the mirror and smile in admiration should be your key focus at this point. And when you finally get the confidence to walk with your head up high, then it’s time to face reality.
Get To the Bottom of the Matter
While some people can be dramatic, it is always important to indulge your reactive side when you feel broken. If you got the news of your partner’s infidelity via a friend, start by confirming the rumor. Involving the home wrecker is sometimes very therapeutically. Even if it doesn’t help in solving your current quagmire, at least you might have saved someone else’s relationship. If you caught them on the act, move on to next step.
Let Your Partner In
Despite the circumstances, communication is always important; whether you’re contemplating separation or otherwise. This is probably the hardest part, but after talking to your partner, you release some anger inside you and get to know the other side of the story. Their story won’t matter at this point, but it will help you to heal in future.
Naturally, the rod will swing two ways: separation or forgiveness and acceptance.
Is Your Relationship Is Worth Saving?
The answer to this question depends on how much you’ve invested in your relationship. It also depends on the number of positive character traits that you can identify with your spouse. These could quickly counter this vice.
A relationship is not built in one day. It takes a lot of effort and love. Sometimes when an intruder comes in between, you need to stand firm and fight for your love. Additionally, if children are involved, you need to take your time when answering this question. Don’t let the anger overcrowd your judgment.
A Little Separation Can Do
Depending on the gravity of the situation, separation might be a better option: Most especially with serial cheaters. Change is as good as rest. With so much anger inside you, one needs to take a break and relax in a different environment. With the unfaithful partner being out of sight, you can think clearly and make better decisions, unlike when you keep seeing him/her around you.
Forgive and Accommodate
Forgiving is the best medicine ever. However, forgetting is very unrealistic. It is a choice you make alone, it cannot be forced on you, and you should do it. By forgiving, you let go of the anger and try to start afresh.
Trust takes time to build. Many are the times you’ll feel like you made a terrible decision forgiving, but you need to look at the bigger picture. When you forgive, you heal faster. And when you decide to forgive, make your partner swear to change and ensure that he gets committed. Let them know that this is the last time you’re going to stomach such crap.
The Last Resort
It is not your fault if you cannot see beyond the infidelity. We are human. Consult with a professional counselor to help you move on. Maybe you tried talking to each other, and it didn’t work because you kept shouting and defending yourselves. The best way to get to each other is through someone else, who will be neutral. That person can be a counselor, a pastor, your best couple, or even your parents. With these people around, a healthy decision can be reached amicably.
The Bottom Line
After infidelity, the relationship may end up getting better and stronger or broken forever. Either way, trust your subconscious and believe in yourself. It is not healthy to be angry with someone and still live with them; you might end up doing something terrible; even murder. Similarly, if you are not happy staying with your partner, then there is no need to force yourself; just leave.
Image credit: pexels