We've all heard that catchy song by Rihanna called Wild Thoughts and it might remind us that inappropriate ideas pop into our heads more often than we may want to admit. With or without that brown liquor in our systems, many of us are tempted to share these thoughts with others in a humorous way. But will those around us view our sexual humor lightly or offensively? How will potential romantic partners view it? When it comes to the first date, what is acceptable and what is crossing the line?
Answers can vary depending on our different values and beliefs and on the qualities we want to see in our date prior to making the relationship official. To all my would-be inappropriate comedian friends, here are some do’s and don’ts when expressing sexual humor.
Respect Levels of Comfort Zones
Whether you believe this or not some people actually appreciate sexual humor, even on the first date. It shows your date that you’re comfortable enough to be open with them in breaking the ice. Not only can sexual humor suggest that you are physically interested, but it can also relieve the thought that sex will be an awkward conversation. However, the benefits of sexual humor only apply when both partners are respecting each other’s comfort levels.
DON’T start making sex jokes without first getting a read on your date’s sense of humor. Ask them about their favorite comedians. Make a mild sex pun and gauge their reaction. DON’T keep repeating a sexual joke (or any joke!) if it doesn’t get a good response.
DO ask your date what makes them laugh and what kind of comedies they are into. Maybe a couple of questions into your date, you might find out your date has as much of a dirty mind as you do!
Be Aware of the Date Setting
This is very important, especially when you are on your first date, where your priority is to get to know the person. Some people aren’t immediately open to sharing their likes and dislikes. You just might have a date who is timid and scared to reveal who they are due to some insecurities. If this is what you’re experiencing on your first date DON’T use sexual humor as a way to get your point across that they have nothing to be nervous about.
Many people (especially women) do not want to feel like you just think of them as a sexual object. Those are the people who appreciate honest and appropriate compliments to feel respected and to believe you truly like them for who they are. If you're dating someone like this, DO take your date to a fancy restaurant, an art museum or your favorite theme park. Anywhere to possibly avoid sexual humor as your first ice breaker. If the date is going very well, DO slip in a harmless sexual joke that will test your date’s sense of humor.
It’s All in the Emojis!
We’re in a generation where human emotions and reactions are represented by emojis through text and social media. Before the first date, you can get a sense of what your date will accept in person just by the way they respond to your commentary over the phone. With that being said, DO test your date prior to meeting them in person. I know what you’re thinking, but I am not telling you to do this to initiate sex the first night. I am suggesting you do this so you know beforehand what will and will not kill the vibe during your date. Send them a mild meme or an emoji or two that expresses your sexual humor and see how they respond.
DON’T push for your date to respond the way you want them too. If they don’t directly respond or seem not to know what to say then DON’T continue to send inappropriate jokes. That should be your signal to find something else that will amuse them.
Needless to say, if you are a person who appreciates humor in all forms, by all means, keep being you! If your sexual humor does not correlate with your date’s tastes but you still enjoy their company, take a chance on dating a different kind of person and try to moderate that dirty mind of yours (just a bit). Being with someone who has different tastes or who educates you with a new way of thinking isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Still, that doesn’t mean you have to stop being who you are just because someone can’t handle the liveliness of your personality. Who knows, you might even get to persuade your date into how funny inappropriate humor can be. With any luck, you’ll have them rolling on the floor and maybe, eventually, rolling around in bed!