The Diary Of A Marriage Counselor: I Never Get Sexual SatisfactionBy Rachel Kithae - 3 min read
Instead of always blaming your partner, support him and try and solve the problem amicably and be honest with each other.
Men are single-minded, and women fear to get too affectionate with their partners for fear of being sexually misinterpreted. Naturally, men are always hungry for sex. Women, on the other hand, require periodic satisfaction and they are good to go. But when a woman lands into a relationship where the man has low libido, she’s bound to either suffer in silence or get on a quest for a ben ten.
When I first saw Alex, I immediately fell in love. He was the full package; tall, handsome, masculine, and intelligent. His abs and biceps could be seen through his slim fitting shirts. It was lust, at first sight. I didn’t think I would see him again, but nature made it happen. I was walking amid a windy storm when my umbrella flew away. Guess who came to my rescue? Alex. And before I knew it, we were dating.
I realized that Alex wasn’t interested in sex, but I thought that he was just being a gentleman and trying to slow things. He didn't have the slightest desire for me. Sometimes I couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with me. Was I too plump? Was there someone else? He had all sorts of reasons for not getting intimate. It was either he was too tired, or his bosses were on his neck, or he was too sore from working out at the gym.
He always worked too hard to get that body that I could never touch or feel. I bought lingerie and tried having candlelight dinner, which sometimes worked but not for long. Other than sex, Alex was a dream come true. And so we officiated our wedding a few months later.
Our Marriage Today
I always look forward to particular days of the calendar like birthdays and anniversaries because that is the only time action happens. I am depressed, and the lack of sex in our relationship is driving me crazy. When I try to bring up the topic he gets mad to the point of walking out on me. Sometimes feel like I would trade sex for anything in the world. I am hanging on a cliff, and with time I think I will fall.
Alex's low libido has been a problem for years, but I rarely discuss it with him for fear of hurting his ego. He orgasms immediately after penetration which leaves me craving for more but to him the job is done. I always pray for a miracle but on the other hand, Alex stubbornly refuses to seek professional help. I am slowly losing the best and most exciting years of my life.
Tamara is one among many women suffering from sexual starvation. A man with low libido feels terrible and ashamed of himself. And in trying to deal with the ridicule, he avoids sex altogether. Some may even hide in a shell of self-defense and anger, while others go to the point of always blaming the woman for wanting sex and attaching everything to it.
Although the man is not happy, he is never bold enough to face the problem and work on it. On the other hand, I am not surprised that Tamara is almost giving up on her marriage. Sexual starvation is a key factor that leads to divorce.
The first step to healing is accepting there is a problem and being open to potential solutions. This is easier said than done. A man will recognize the weakness in his heart, but he will never confess to you. So don’t push it.
Secondly, explore the options available. You’ll be surprised. This article details some of them. If these DIY solutions don’t help, it is time to seek professional help. Doctors diagnose the cause of these problems, and from my experience, most of them get entirely cured with time.
Finally, deal with the mental barrier. Emotional turmoil and a terrible past are key contributors to poor sexual performance in both men and women. Don’t ignore this. A psychologist will be of great help.
With time and patience, you will get there. Instead of always blaming your partner, support him and try and solve the problem amicably and be honest with each other. The journey to sexual satisfaction starts when you both put your all into it. Do not give up. Sexier times are glaring ahead.
Photo by Kinga Cichewicz on Unsplash