“Hello. So, let’s jump right into bed and get this intercourse, I mean discourse started! Yes, we’re skipping all the fluffing and introductions and getting right to the good part.

How does that sound?”

Well, if you’re like me and millions of other readers who enjoy a bit of mental stimulation and verbal primers as foreplay, then you were a bit taken aback by the hasty informalities.

However, if you’re the kind of reader who can produce an A- paper by piecing together recaps from SparkNotes with the few interpretations you gathered from your bare minimum class attendance, then that introduction probably sent chills throughout your spontaneous free spirit.

In reality, if there’s was a way for us to get straight to the good parts without dealing with the whole, most of us would pounce at the convenience.

So my question is, should it be any different when it comes to sex? I mean what’s stopping us from stripping down and obeying our sexual natures upon first meeting each other once we’re satisfied and dazzled with the first impressions?

For many of us, it’s our moral standards, upbringing, and fear of sexual repercussions that keep our modesty intact.

And even though the media tries to perpetuate millennials as the culprits and leaders of erotic flagrancy

“According to Match, millennials are 40 percent more likely than those of other generations to believe that an emotional connection makes sex better, as well as the least likely generation to have cheated on a partner.” [1]

That’s right my fellow youths; our parents were doing the nasty with less remorse and more liberty than they try and brand us with.

A second matchmaking website, OKCupid.com, also confirms this data with research that compares dating trends from 2005 to those of 2015.

Jimena Almendares, chief product officer at OKCupid, told TODAY that “People who use OkCupid do prioritize love over sex.”[2]

The report also revealed that “The perfect time for sleeping with someone is (between) three to six dates….”

This information is vital because online dating has become such a standard that it’s now a part of the social norm.

Now, I can understand the contradiction between what our parents told us to do and what they chose to do when it comes to sex, because well, sex feels good.

That is why we’re doing it, right? I mean other than the knowledge that we need to be fruitful and multiply for the sake of the race, sex without an emotional connection is about indulging in feelings and desire over judgment and ethics.

But for some reason, our generation is choosing to abstain more than indulge. By no means am I declaring us more prudish or the less sexually adventurous spawns.

I doubt many of us could even count the number of virgins we know or your number of sexual partners on the one hand.

Even lower are my conceptions of people wanting to wait until marriage to become sexually active.

However, the conundrum remains, what are we waiting for and why are we slowing down the hooking up?

I can guarantee you it’s not because the celibates are out to shun the more sexually casual into traditional or religious practices.

Nor is it because we’ve collectively grown some new superhuman sexual restraining powers. The connection has to do with, well, the disconnection.

According to a study published in by Social Psychological & Personality Science, “after having casual sex, sociosexuality unrestricted students (those who were interested in and eager to have casual sex) typically reported improvements in psychological well-being afterward, while the mental well-being of sociosexuality restricted students were unaffected.[3]

A second study conducted by Archives of Sexual Behavior indicated that, regardless of gender, the people having casual sex for autonomous (self-gratifying) reasons were for the most part unaffected by this activity, whereas those who engaged in casual sex for non-autonomous reasons (like revenge sex or hopes of commitment afterwards) typically experienced a decrease in psychological well-being.

In layman’s term, sex isn’t happening as often as it could be or should be because we’re not all in it for the same reasons or receiving the same outcome.

We’re still hooking up, but all of us aren’t being satisfied, elevated, or even affected enough to do it again.

Oxytocin is released in every orgasm, whether it’s with the love of your life or your one night stand, and it creates that warm lovey dovey bliss that remains post orgasm.

It's romantic purpose it to create a bond. With this in mind, the question isn’t really, when should I have sex with this person, but actually why I should sleep with this person and do they agree?

I understand this may just take the casualness out of the scenario, but is that so terrible? At least this way, the afterward isn’t awkward for anyone involved.

I mean, this emotional connection thing is the new wave, right?

Photo Credit: [Photo by Matheus Ferrero on Unsplash]
Photo Credit: [Gettyimages]


  1. https://www.today.com/health/how-millennials-date-today-t112431 ↩︎

  2. https://www.today.com/health/okcupid-report-shows-how-many-dates-couples-usually-go-having-t75146 ↩︎

  3. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201506/what-are-the-psychological-effects-casual-sex ↩︎

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