How I Wish Mama Told Me This Before I Got MarriedBy Rachel Kithae - 4 min read
How I wish mama made this clear before.
Daniel and I clicked fast. It’s like were had met before, and there was a prologue to our relationship. 6 months later, I was all bubbles as he formally introduced me to his family. His mama called me “my little princess, the girl I never had.” Little did I know that behind that cunning smile was a wicked character! Now I know why they call them mother in “love” (underline the quotes!)
Being Pregnant Is Not Easy
Moving on, the baby came earlier than I had anticipated. But Daniel was super excited to be called papa. What mama never mentioned is that the woman bears all the responsibility of being pregnant. I was a hormonal wreck. Many were the nights that I couldn’t sleep. But while I turned and tossed in bed, Daniel was snoring loudly. Could I blame him? Not really!
To add insults to injury, I had to swallow a few pills each day to ensure our baby developed normally. That was not really hard. The aftermath of those pills was the issue. Dealing with a metallic taste in my mouth all through my pregnancy and the feeling of being nauseated gives me shivers to date.
I added weight. And Daniel nicknamed me “pretty chubby” because of my chubby cheeks! But I didn’t take offense. It was only for a short while after all.
Giving Birth Is Like a Death Sentence
The closest a woman will ever come to her deathbed is while giving birth. To all the mamas out there, I salute you. Mine was not an exception. The labor pains started around midnight. By then Daniel was in his umpteenth dream. Boy oh boy! When these pains kick in, it’s like the world is separating into a million pieces with each piece clinging on to every nerve in your back.
The force with which I woke my beloved Daniel would have triggered some tectonic tremors. He drove me to the hospital while wearing his pajamas. Let me not mention what I was wearing! Six hours later, the nurses were talking in languages that reminded me of the tower of Babylon. And there came his little cry. I carefully held him in my arms and thanked the almighty for his mercies and allowing me to nurture my little bundle of joy.
I thought it was all over, but we were just getting started in the delivery room. Stitch after stitch I endured it all. I tried to scream, but I had exhausted my energy. My eyes were glued on to my little baby, and I drew my strength from him. Finally, I was all cleaned up and ready to begin the journey of motherhood.
The Baby Is Solely a Woman’s Responsibility until He’s Strong Enough to Sit next To Daddy
Back at home, I was welcomed by fellow moms and relatives including my mother in law. It was a jubilant ceremony; as if I had brought home a gold medal (maybe I had). Two days later, I was all alone with my beloved Daniel ready to tackle motherhood. I thought my hormones had now stabilized, but I guess they became worse.
I watched Daniel go about his usual routine, and I kept wondering whether our little prince lost meaning in his life. I couldn’t understand why he didn’t offer a helping hand without being requested.
The nights were too short for me. I developed bloodshot eyes. I would wake up to breastfeed at least 5 times a night, and some of those times the baby stubbornly refused to go back to sleep. Some nights I was lucky, the baby just needed a little entertainment while on other nights I wasn’t. He would wail and fuss over everything.
And whenever I turned to ask Daniel for help, it’s like he suddenly became deaf. He was deep asleep and still snoring. At times I lost my cool and woke him up. Other times I just let him be.
House Work Is the Least Appreciated Career and yet the Most Exhausting
I remember on a particular occasion when my mother in law gave us a surprise visit to check on her grandson. She gave me a lecture on how to keep my marriage blossoming. “Wake up early, prepare breakfast, iron his clothes, help him to get ready for work, pack some snacks for him to eat during the day…” blah blah blah.
Were it not the fact that she is my mother in law, I would have stopped her right there and ask her a few questions. “And who is supposed to take care of me, ensure that I have a healthy sleep, ensure that I eat well so that I have enough milk to breastfeed our baby, ensure that the laundry is done so that my back heals according to the doctors advise, etc?” But I didn’t.
Marriage is a wonderful institution but mostly for men. Women become modern day slaves. Don’t get me wrong. There are men who help, but the woman still handles most of the responsibilities of running a home.
Please spare me the lecture about men providing financially. The modern woman is a career woman. Some are even better at it than their spouses. How I wish mama made this clear before. Maybe my choices would have been different.
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