Is there really such a thing as loving too much? If so, why is that a bad thing?

The act of loving in an of itself is the greatest show of affection a person can either give or receive. As good this may seem on the outside, on the inside, it can take its toll in more ways than one. If you even think that you are loving too much, you probably are. In order to know for sure, I have identified two ways you may be loving too much as well as two ways to counteract this unfortunate turn of events. You may be loving too much if…

1. If you give more than you receive

You know those cheap date ideas you or your partner keep thinking of when other options seem unlikely? Imagine those same cheap date ideas becoming what your partner gives to you, but on a regular basis, even though you treat them out to more extravagant events regularly. That is what happens in a relationship in which one person is giving far more than they are receiving. After a while of not feeling the love reciprocated back, at least in terms of date ideas, love may feel more exhausting than rejuvenating, and love should always make you feel good inside. Either of you may then turn towards being of service to your job(s) children, community, church, school, etc. just to get some love back in return, which may or may not prove fruitful.

2. If you love someone out of fear of being abandoned

It is impossible to love someone if you also fear them, especially if you fear that they will abandon you. This relationship may be born out of a need for financial help, a longing for a family, a way to immigrate to a new country, a way to show off physical beauty, a way towards better sex, or a way for someone to feel wanted. All these types of relationships are not necessarily bad, they are just ones to be careful of should the relationship become a source of fear, not love.

Below are two ways to love just enough.

1. Give more and receive more

Any healthy relationship is one that incorporates a balance of giving and receiving, but the ultimate healthy relationship is when both partners give equally, and when both partners receive equally. When both partners are able to do this consistently, it shows that both of you want to invite more love into your relationship and that it does not matter who gives or receives first, unless it is one of those cheap date ideas that neither of you can agree on... For those who give their service to others as a way to receive love, do so not because of what you may get back, but of what you might create for others, so that they may receive love in return should they not find it with their partners too.

2. Love your own company first so that you don't fear being abandoned

If you don’t love yourself, you will choose someone who you will rely on even if they are bad for you. If that does happen, you might fear the person you are with and fear being abandoned. By loving yourself first before loving another person can help you to find someone who also loves themselves. You may still fear abandonment, but at least you can love yourself enough to leave the relationship should fear become the only reason to stay. If you do not know how to love yourself, then look inside yourself and try to find that which you lack, want, or need. Is it money, romance, a baby, the ability to travel, the idea of being seen as the most beautiful person in the room, or do you just want to feel cared for? Learn how to do these things for yourself first and perhaps someone will come along and love you not for what you do, but for who you are. When someone recognizes the beauty in what someone is, then that is love without fear, especially without fear of being abandoned, because that person would rather revel in your presence than be without you.
The act of loving in and of itself is the greatest show of affection a person can either give or receive. But as good this may seem on the outside, on the inside, it can take its toll in more ways than one. If you even think that you are loving too much, you probably are. In order to know for sure, I have identified two ways you may be loving too much as well as two ways to counteract this unfortunate turn of events. You may be loving too much if…

1. If you give more than you receive

You know those cheap date ideas you or your partner keep thinking of when other options seem unlikely? Imagine those same cheap date ideas becoming what your partner gives to you, but on a regular basis, even though you treat them out to more extravagant events regularly. That is what happens in a relationship in which one person is giving far more than they are receiving. After a while of not feeling the love being reciprocated (at least in terms of date ideas), love may feel more exhausting than rejuvenating, and love should always make you feel good inside. Either of you may then turn towards being of service to your job, children, community, church, or school, just to get some love back in return, which may or may not prove fruitful.

2. If you love someone out of fear of being abandoned

It is impossible to love someone if you also fear them, especially if you fear that they will abandon you. This relationship may be born out of a need for financial help, a longing for a family, a way to immigrate to a new country, a way to show off physical beauty, a way towards better sex, or a way for someone to feel wanted. All these types of relationships are not necessarily bad, they are just ones to be careful of should the relationship become a source of fear, not love.

Below are two ways to love just enough.

1. Give more and receive more

Any healthy relationship is one that incorporates a balance of giving and receiving, but the ultimate healthy relationship is when both partners give equally, and when both partners receive equally. When both partners are able to do this consistently, it shows that both of you want to invite more love into your relationship and that it does not matter who gives or receives first, unless it is one of those cheap date ideas that neither of you can agree on. For those who give their service to others as a way to receive love, do so not because of what you may get back, but of what you might create for others, so that they may receive love in return should they not find it with their partners too.

2. Love your own company first so that you don't fear being abandoned

If you don’t love yourself, you will choose someone who you will rely on even if they are bad for you. If that does happen, you might fear the person you are with and fear being abandoned. Loving yourself first before loving another person can help you to find someone who also loves themselves. You may still fear abandonment, but at least you can love yourself enough to leave the relationship should fear become the only reason to stay. If you do not know how to love yourself, then look inside yourself and try to find that which you lack, want, or need. Is it money, romance, a baby, the ability to travel, the idea of being seen as the most beautiful person in the room, or do you just want to feel cared for? Learn how to do these things for yourself first and perhaps someone will come along and love you not for what you do, but for who you are. When someone recognizes the beauty in what someone is, then that is love without fear, especially without fear of being abandoned, because that person would rather revel in your presence than be without you.

Photo credit: Unsplash

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