Careful Cuddles: Ways to Convey Your Cuddle Limits With A DateBy Ivette M. Epps - 3 min read
Cuddling is a tender, yet complex activity that gives us the opportunity to bond with a person on a deeper...
Cuddling is a tender, yet complex activity that gives us the opportunity to bond with a person on a deeper level. It’s no secret that cuddling quickly builds emotional intimacy between two people who want to feel safe and secure in each other’s arms.Yes, cuddling is a great feeling with someone you adore, but for some uncertainty and expectations can make it a dilemma.
Many people believe that cuddling always leads to sex. I am here to tell you that there are many valid purposes of cuddling and that there are ways to avoid sending misleading signals to your date so that you can both have the kind of cuddling time you enjoy.
1. Watch Those Hands!
For starters, your hands can and will give the wrong impression if you’re not careful with where you place them. A genuine rub on the chest or even down the lower back can arouse certain parts of your body (if you know what I mean).
To avoid awkward situations where you don’t want cuddling to escalate, sit up straight and start by putting your legs up on your date's thighs. This will indicate that you are not ready to place your hands on them. You can also keep your hands busy by playing with your date’s hair or massaging their feet. If your date decides to get too touchy, try holding their hand or better yet, insist on arm wrestling! Try anything to show you are not attempting to turn cuddling into sex.
2. Ladies: Wear Pants, Not a Dress or Skirt; Guys: Stay Away from Sweat Pants
Let’s face the facts that it is much easier to make sexual advances when you’re either half naked or showing enough that will arouse your partner.
Ladies, I get it – when you’re about to meet up with your date you want to look and feel your best. And by “best,” you usually aim for beautiful and attractive. However, if you invite a guy over to cuddle or if a guy asks you to come over, do not wear clothing where hands have easy access to your goodies. Especially if you intend to not have sex at all.
This rule also applies to those gentlemen out there. We know there are still great guys in this world who respect boundaries, but don’t think you have no say in conveying your limits too. In light of this, it is wise for guys not to wear sweat pants when cuddling, as it easily shows the outline of your junk no matter if you anticipate to take cuddling to the next level or not.
3. The Bed Isn't the Only Place You Can Cuddle
For a night where you and your date don't have anywhere to go due to bad weather, or perhaps exhaustion from a frustrating work week, you can pop a squat and cuddle on the couch. Whip up some popcorn and put on your favorite movie. Not trying to rush into movie time? No worries, you can lead your date to the floor, where you can pass by some time with a deck of cards or your favorite board games.
Keep in mind that cuddling is more intimate than sex – not because of the physical aspect, but because it requires you to get to know someone by spending quality time with one another.
4. Outside Cuddles
This can also be a way to avoid the double standard of what is expected. Take your cuddling date outside! This might not work if it’s raining or snowing, but if it’s a beautiful sunny day, why not snuggle up during a picnic or even at the park while watching the sunset? Being outside automatically puts up that boundary for limited physical interaction. It might not be the most popular way to cuddle, but it certainly gives you and your date more time to talk without overthinking about what will happen next.
5. Last, Make Your Intentions Clear
For someone like me, this is the first rule that I follow when it comes to cuddling with someone I am dating. Tell your partner how far you want to go before the cuddling begins. However, not everyone is comfortable with being straightforward about their limitations and it may be easier for many people to shyly show their intentions instead of speaking up, fearing that they will upset their partner. Don’t let fear force you into doing something you don’t want to do. Take pride in what you want and what needs appeal to you most. If you get the notion that your date is only interested in sex, even after you set your boundaries, distance yourself. Nothing is more irritating than someone who doesn’t respect you and your limits.