How to Take Control In the BedroomBy Kimberley Spinney - 3 min read
When it comes to fun in the bedroom, there is usually one person who seems to be in charge. While...
When it comes to fun in the bedroom, there is usually one person who seems to be in charge. While this doesn’t mean that things can’t be switched up, there is usually one partner who is more dominant than the other. This does not mean that there has to be a dominant/submissive relationship at play, instead, this is just an aspect of sex and play.
If you are already in an established relationship, you may be looking to switch things up; perhaps you want to be the person who takes control of the bedroom fun. On the other hand, if you are in a new relationship and you are trying to determine the roles you will both hold in the bedroom, you may end up having to be the more dominant partner, and this means you might need some help in figuring out how best to take control.
While you may not be sure that taking control and being the more dominant partner in the bedroom is right for you, there is nothing wrong with trying something new before completely taking it off the table. However, the important thing to remember is that you should only try this if it is what you want to do. If you are truly not comfortable taking on the role of the dominant partner, then do not do it. Comfort is key when it comes to any type of bedroom activities and if you are uncomfortable with being in control then neither you nor your partner will have an enjoyable experience.
Once you have established that you are comfortable taking on the more dominant role in the bedroom, then you need to know exactly what your partner wants to do and how far they want to go. As with any relationship, especially one in which there is a dominant/submissive element to it, the most important thing is to sit down and establish exactly what you are both comfortable with doing.
It is also important to know what level of dominance or control you intend to exhibit. There are different levels of dominance, and knowing what you are both comfortable with will make your experience a pleasurable one.
Are you a gentler dominant? Not only is gentle dominance good for someone who is new to taking control in the bedroom, but it can also be used as a simple way to spice things up. Gentle dominance might include hair pulling, light manhandling (such as pushing your partner up against the wall in order to make out with them or initiate sex in general), and even dirty talking.
Perhaps you are a more moderate dominant, which tends to be more in line with what people might consider when they think of dominance in the bedroom. This level of dominance might entail things like handcuffs being used, warming lubes, incorporating biting and spankings, and even denying your partner an orgasm.
Then there is the more aggressive dominant and this is a much higher level of dominance that only comes with experience and consent of both parties. Aggressive dominance is more hardcore and takes practice and patience. This is when actual BDSM comes into play and this is not for beginners, but rather for a more established couple who have already engaged in the lighter forms of dominance together and are looking for something more.
It is critical to have a safe word when you are bringing dominance into the bedroom. In fact, both you and your partner should have a safe word, which allows you both to halt the action if things hit a point that you are not comfortable with. It is important to choose a word that will not be used in the bedroom, as well as one that you will both be able to remember.
Dominance is something that can take time and practice, especially for someone who is not used to taking control. For some people, there is no way to make being dominant in bedroom work for them and that is perfectly fine. This is a learning experience, as much for your partner as it is for yourself.
Communicate with each other. The only way any of this works is if you both talk to each other and make sure that you are getting what you need out of the relationship and your time together.
There is no right or wrong way to be with your partner and when it comes to adding in some dominant play, it is all about what feels right for both of you. Make sure you both have fun and relax, there is nothing wrong with trying something new and deciding it does not work for you. You may also figure out that you love being in charge and it will spark something even better in our relationship. No matter what comes out of being in control in the bedroom, enjoy yourself and make sure both you and your partner communicate with each other.
Image by Joanna Malinowska via Freestocks