You can meet someone who catches your eyes no matter where you are, whether you are at getting some coffee at Starbucks in the morning, out to happy hour with some friends on Friday, or just getting a drink after a long day at work. It is important to create a good first impression when approaching the person for the first time so that you can meet for the second time.
When you see someone you want to approach, first, try to make eye contact so they acknowledge your presence. Then walk towards them with good posture. This means with your head held high, shoulders relaxed with your arms at your side, and back straight.
Not only does this help you appear more confident, especially if you are erring on the shy side, but it can also help you appear more poised, taller, and slimmer. Do not stay hunched over or seated in hopes that the other party will approach you.
Also, it is important that you do not overthink your approach. Walking over to them immediately shouts confident. Going through hypothetical situations and going over greetings or openers in your head is useless. Just keep it simple.
On the other hand, if you are seated and see someone walking towards you, sit up straight, unfold your arms and uncross your legs if they are crossed, and turn your shoulders a little more into the direction they are walking over from.
Try to smile at them and maintain eye contact to let them know you welcome their presence instead of pretending you do not notice them walking over. It helps you appear more approachable and friendly, especially if they may be a little bit ambivalent about approaching you.
Perhaps one of the easiest ways to indicate your interest in the other person when flirting is with touches. For both men and women, you want to start off with light and brief touches on the arms or shoulders – stay away from their torso, face, neck… generally, areas below the neck that would be covered by a t-shirt and pants.
It can be anything from a brief touch on their arm as you laugh at their jokes or brushing a strand of hair off their shoulder.
When you both become more comfortable with each other, the touches can start lingering and becoming closer to the face or body.
Try to take them by the wrist and lead them around, adjust their tie/collar/necklace which may or may not is crooked, or try putting your arm around them if you’re both sitting.
It is important that you do not close yourself by your body language. Even though it may be nothing more than just a habit, try not to cross your arms across your chest during the conversation.
Also, do not hold your bag or briefcase across your torso or on your lap – as this can make you seem uncomfortable. This creates a barrier between the both of you and can appear rude or standoffish. Free up your hands for talking.
As they are introducing themselves or talking about their day, nod in agreement even if nothing is asked and maintain appropriate eye contact. Don’t stare at them without blinking, but do not dart your eyes back and forth across the room or stare at the back of their room. It is also important to keep your conversation going.
Ask questions and do not respond with one-worded answers. How many times have you had a conversation end after the initial and stereotypical “Hi, how are you?” “I’m good” “You?” “Good” starter?
Most of the time, those conversations do not revive themselves easily, so try not to let it die down. Instead of “how are you”, try open-ended questions such as “how was your day?” or “what are your weekend plans?”.
If they ask you one-worded answer questions, ask them something else about themselves, their hobbies or interests, the favorite part of their day, etc. This is also a good time to find some common interests you both can talk about.
Their body position
Are they leaning in as you speak or slowly moving further and further away? When you speak and make a small joke, do they laugh like it is the funniest thing they have heard all their lives? Or do they look at you like you have a third arm? Generally, if they are interested in your, they should be positioned facing towards you, and closer to you.
They may also be leaning back a little in a relaxed position. If they are not facing you, moving towards another direction away from you, or slightly moving away as you try to talk to them, or hugging their body or bag, they may not want you to continue talking to them.
It is important to note that they may have their own habits as well. They may be a fidgety person in general or they may be hunched over because they are cold, not because they are uncomfortable. Be wise and judge how they are acting with discretion.
Reactions to your touch
How do they react to your slight touches or advances? As you touch them slightly, do they allow you, or move their body away slightly? Do they reach out and touch you, too? In addition, do you see them fixing their hair, adjusting their collar or belt, etc? If they are interested, they would react positively to your touch and allow it and try to touch you, too. They may adjust their clothes or hair to look better, but be careful not to confuse those with nervous habits, such as neck rubbing or playing with buttons on their sleeves or hem.
If they seem to show interest in you, ask them for their number or the next time they are free for a drink or a meal together. Be direct about it and do not worry about the traditional “the guy always asks first” rule if you’re female, or the “text 48 days later so you do not seem clingy” rule.
It can be surprising how many people are oblivious to advances towards them. It is alright if you misread their body language or they were being polite about laughing at your jokes.
However, do not be afraid of rejection. The worst-case scenario is that the other person politely declines your advance. That is okay, as you can always move on to someone else who captivates your interest.
If you do not try asking in the first place, then you will never know if they are interested in you as well.
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