For many couples who have been in long-term relationships, it is inevitable that you may feel a lack of excitement in many aspects of the relationship. Many individuals who have been with the same person for years tend to become used to certain ways of doing things, which can lead to relationship fatigue and end up with both of you unable to find the orgasmic energy and chemistry that you once had with each other.
It’s quite normal for couples to reach a point in their relationships where they realize that their priorities have shifted. Whether you’ve had kids that now require more of your attention or whether work has become busier since you received a promotion, there are bound to be changed in your dynamic as a couple that makes finding time for intimacy difficult.
If this is something that has happened to you and your partner, the first thing you need to do is address it. Having that initial conversation and pointing out that there has been a lack of intimacy will hopefully spark a longer discussion about how to overcome this obstacle and move forward in your relationship. According to tantra coach and sex & relationships expert, Steffo Shambo, there are a variety of ways for you to reignite the fire between you and your significant other!
1. Schedule in weekly date nights
Taking some time each week to have some one-on-one time with your partner is very important to maintain a connection with each other. Whether an evening on a weekday or weekend trip, this time should give you the opportunity to catch up on each other’s lives, away from any distractions. Remember what it was that drew you to each other in the first place and relive those moments which gave you butterflies. By keeping things interesting, you could find yourself more attracted to one another in no time!
Pro Tip: Try to keep all or part of this time phone free if possible. This way you can ensure that you are giving all of your attention to each other and really working on building that bond with each other.
2. Know that distance isn’t always bad
Although this is a little contradictory to the previous piece of advice, it still needs to be addressed. With the current global situation, there’s a high chance that if you and your partner live together, you have seen it all; good, bad, and ugly. Without the freedom to meet friends and socialize away from your significant other, there’s a possibility that you need some time away – that is completely normal! At the end of the day, relationships are all about balance. As much as you need to spend quality time with your partner, you also need to get some well-deserved ‘me-time’ slotted into check-in on yourself.
3. Spice things up in the bedroom
Taking things up a notch and switching it up between the sheets is definitely one way to try and reignite the flame between the two of you. Make sure to discuss what ways you both feel comfortable experimenting in the bedroom – surprising your partner in the heat of the moment may not go down so well. Remember, communication is always key!
Experimenting could mean trying new positions in bed or using toys to ramp up the excitement with your partner. It could also be roleplaying and acting out your greatest sexual fantasies! It could be anything that not only is comfortable for both you and your partner but also is exciting and allows your orgasmic energy to shine through. Once you’ve decided on what works for you, make sure to set things up so that you and your partner are as comfortable as possible. If you are both new to this, familiarity will only ease you both into the process making it less awkward.
4. Take it back to how it first started
One good way to find the sparkle in your relationship again is to reminisce on how it began. Take some time to talk to your partner about the first time you met or the first time you connected. Is it possible to go back to that spot? Have some fun and recreate that initial meeting in whatever way you can. Throwing it back to the good old days could be a fun way to bring back some of that youthful energy that got lost. This could be a funny and light-hearted activity that pulls on both your heartstrings and brings you closer together!
Relationship fatigue is quite common after many years of being together and it’s understandable that things can plateau. That’s why it is so important that you and your partner can communicate with each other and are willing to work to get yourselves out of this relationship rut. More often than not, there are bigger underlying issues to the lack of intimacy, so make sure you talk about things and use some of these tips to help you move forward!